{"id":39924,"date":"2021-06-01T15:10:43","date_gmt":"2021-06-01T21:10:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.uchealth.org\/today\/?p=39924"},"modified":"2025-05-14T16:24:13","modified_gmt":"2025-05-14T22:24:13","slug":"setting-goals-sticking-to-them-ins-and-outs-of-believing-and-achieving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.uchealth.org\/today\/setting-goals-sticking-to-them-ins-and-outs-of-believing-and-achieving\/","title":{"rendered":"Setting goals and sticking to them: The ins and outs of believing and achieving"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Air Force Brig. Gen Kathleen Flarity talks about setting goals and how to achieve them. Photo: Chris Austin, Austin Studio Denver, for UCHealth.<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Women are famous for setting goals. We\u2019re going to lose 20 pounds in time for our niece\u2019s wedding, save up enough cash for that trip to Hawaii and make sure to get at least 30 minutes of exercise a day.<\/p>\n

Then, a lot gets in the way. Your daughter needs a poster board for her science project. The boss needs the weekly report. The sprinkler guy is coming to activate the watering system.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s a woman\u2019s nature to place the needs of others before herself. But is it always healthy for her \u2013 and those she cares for? The answer is no.<\/p>\n

We consulted with an accomplished woman, Air Force Brig. Gen. Kathleen Flarity<\/a>, one of only a few women in our community to serve as a general in the military, to answer your questions about how, in a frenetic world, to set goals, stick to them and achieve them.
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Tune in to evr\u0113<\/strong><\/a>,<\/a> the self-care podcast for women<\/h2>\n

\"evreListen on Spotify<\/a>, iTunes,<\/a>Google Play <\/a>or wherever you get your podcasts. Read more: New \u2018evr\u0113\u2019 women\u2019s health podcast debuts<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

Flarity, who holds doctorates in nursing and education, is the deputy director of the CU Anschutz Center for COMBAT research<\/a>, and a research nurse scientist for UCHealth. She\u2019s the Mobilization Assistant to the Command Surgeon, Air Mobility Command at Scott Air Force Base in Illinois. She\u2019s a mom, a wife, a sister, friend, an entrepreneur, and a life coach. She\u2019s spent a career helping others learn good habits.<\/p>\n

She\u2019s one of the featured speakers in The evr\u0113 Podcast series created by UCHealth, <\/em>an initiative to promote women\u2019s health and well-being. You can find Brig. Gen. Flarity\u2019s podcast, and many others, here.<\/a> Here\u2019s her advice on setting goals and achieving them:<\/p>\n

What should you do if you have fear around the goal-setting process?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Well, it’s normal, right? People often have fears around goal setting. \u00a0Sometimes, if you share your goals with someone else and then you don’t accomplish them, it can feel like a failure. But I always think \u2026 it’s a working goal, right? It’s something to look forward to and it’s a moving target. Sometimes the goals that you don’t achieve, open up other opportunities. You never know.<\/p>\n

What has motivated you throughout your life to accomplish so much but still be yourself?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I had an Australian general officer who said, \u2018All of you Americans, you are all alike. You just all blend together.\u2019 He said they keep their personality in Australia.<\/p>\n

I once had a leader who said, \u2018Kathleen, your personality is part of what got you to where you are. So you need to keep that.\u2019 That was such salient advice. Every place I’ve gone, every position I have held, you get the real deal.<\/p>\n

I figure at this level, they invited me to the table, so I’m going to share my opinion with respect and dignity, but I’m going to share my opinion. I’m not a \u2018yes\u2019 person. Sometimes that challenges others, but that’s why I’m here.<\/p>\n

How do you manage when you feel overwhelmed and things are not going your way? What got you through?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

We all have those days that we feel like we’re not good enough or not enough. I start with small and meaningful things.<\/p>\n

With age, I have changed the way that I view the world. Now, I consider my personal well-being in my definition of success. On those days that I feel down, I think, \u2018I need to do something that renews, re-energizes, re-passions me so that I can be that person I want to be.\u2019 Often sharing my story with people I trust, helps me through the challenges.<\/p>\n

When I find that I’m not being as kind or as patient or whatever, it’s often because I failed to do things that nourish me. I start small, a long hug, a walk or coffee with a friend. Things like that. But then, overall, you’ve really just got to think about the big picture. Yes, maybe today I wasn’t motivated to do this or I didn’t accomplish that, but tomorrow’s a new day. I can re-attempt tomorrow.<\/p>\n

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Cadet Tori Flarity and Senior Airman Patrick Flarity pin stars on their newly promoted mother, Brig. Gen. Kathleen Flarity, mobilization assistant to the command surgeon, Air Mobility Command, during a ceremony at Wings Over the Rockies Air and Space Museum, Denver, Colorado. Flarity began her military career as an Army medic and continues to serve in the Air Force Reserve. (Courtesy Photo-Buckley PA)<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

What are some of your favorite practices in accomplishing your goals?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I think it’s important to start with small, meaningful steps that don’t overwhelm you. Instead of saying, \u2018I’m going to complete a PhD,\u2019 start with a class from the community college. Those are little steps, but they’re small and attainable goals. Instead of saying, \u2018I’m going to run a marathon,\u2019 I might say, \u2018I’m going to run a mile without stopping and then maybe a 5k.\u2019 And then eventually the marathon.<\/p>\n

Then it’s really important to pick goals that you’re passionate about. That inspire you. You’re not doing it for anybody else, because if you’re doing it for somebody else, it’s their goal, not yours. That’s really one of the keys to achieving your goal.<\/p>\n

Also, I think it’s easier to add something than take something away. \u00a0For example, it’s easier to say that I’m going to walk 15 minutes a day, five days a week than say, \u2018I’m giving up chocolate.\u2019 Adding something rather than feeling like you’re giving up something. It’s feels easier to achieve.<\/p>\n

Is it a good idea to share your goals with a friend or loved one?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I think it’s important to share your goals with somebody you care about and to say, \u2018I want you to help me with this. This is what I want to do. And I want you to hold me accountable, check in with me, be my cheerleader, and support me in this.\u2019 You’re more likely to achieve a goal if you share it with somebody than not. Then monitor your progress and don’t beat yourself up if you fall short of your goals, just reset it.<\/p>\n

How do you remind yourself of your goals?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

For me, even little sticky notes, are a visual reminder. Love is a choice I make daily. Just reminds me to be the person I want to be to the people around me who are important to me, to my kids and to my family and to my colleagues. I make this choice daily.<\/p>\n

How important is self-care in achieving your goals?<\/strong><\/h2>\n

In today’s challenging world, women are increasingly pulled in so many different directions. Who would have envisioned that you would have to serve in so many capacities?\u00a0 People who are teaching their kids at home, they’re multitasking. As women, we typically take care everyone and everything else first, and \u00a0ourselves last; making sure the kitchen is cleaned up, the kids are tucked in bed, and your partner might be watching TV and we’re doing laundry.<\/p>\n

If there’s anything left over for us, and we’re not too exhausted, we might do something that nourishes us, but then we feel guilty about it. Truly being able to change that mindset, that if we do something for us, it’s not selfish. It’s actually healthy. If I take care of me, I’m going to bring a better self to every relationship, every work environment, wherever I am, I’ll bring a better me to that. That’s my best self to the people I love, I care for and the people I lead. It’s a journey to be able to change those perceptions, to be able to really say, \u2018I’m good enough.\u2019<\/p>\n

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Tune in to evr\u0113<\/strong><\/a>,<\/a> the self-care podcast for women<\/h2>\n

\"evre<\/p>\n

Listen on Spotify<\/a>, iTunes,<\/a>Google Play <\/a>or wherever you get your podcasts.<\/p>\n

Do you have questions for any of our podcast guests or a suggestion for a future episode topic? We want to hear from you.<\/p>\n